Cecelia's Unfinished Life

Dating Roulette

2009-07-23T03:57:11Z

I have spent the last couple months or so sort of in a state of reflection. I decided to be a homebody for a few weeks and give myself a break from social pressures. I've had two relationships fall apart on me in the last two years, the last one being entirely my fault. Soooo... I thought maybe if I just took a break for a while, I'd have a better mindset to start dating again. After a few weeks, I felt I was ready to at least start looking. I joined a couple online dating sites and waited to see what happened.

I got a few messages and winks and I responded to those I found interesting. After a couple days I met two gentlemen I started e-mailing and IMing and, after a few days, talking to on the phone. I found them both great conversationalists with great senses of humor. I made a date with one for dinner on a Wednesday night and the other I was to meet at a little tavern on a Friday night.

Well.... Wednesday rolled around and I drove to the restaurant. I arrived early, on purpose, so I could see him come in. I was sitting near a window and saw a gentleman get out of a car driven by an older woman, she then left the parking lot. Somehow I knew this was going to be my date, and sure enough, it was. Dropped off by his mother... fan-fucking-tastic. This man who approached my table looked nothing like the picture I had seen of him... at least he hadn't looked like that man in the ten years. I couldn't believe it. I was dressed nicely in a skirt and heels (and hose, of course) and he was wearing flip-flops, tattered shorts and a sleeveless black t-shirt that barely covered his beer-gut. His comment was "Gee, I feel under-dressed." No shit, I thought. Anyway... it was the longest two hours I've ever spent in a restaurant in my life. He spent the entire evening talking about car-racing, football and fishing. None of which he mentioned in his profile or conversations, previously. I made an excuse and left before he had the chance to ask me for a ride home.

Needless to say, I was really not looking forward to Friday night, and that was a good thing. An hour before I was to leave for this date, the phone rang. It was him, saying that he'd run a little short on cash and would it be possible if he just came over to my house. I just laughed and asked him if he was kidding.... there was a long pause and then the line went dead.

Sooo.... those are my adventures in online dating so far. Jealous? :P

Writer's Block: The Beatles

2008-10-10T04:10:19Z

In their heyday, The Beatles were the center of the pop universe. Many groups have been hailed as the next Beatles, but does pop music even have a center anymore? Who represents the core of pop music to you?

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I don't think pop music does have a center anymore, there are just too many genres if you ask me. If anyone comes close to holding a candle to The Beatles right now, it would have to be The Raconteurs. I think they are the best thing going in music right now. I loved them right off the bat, with their first album. Seeing them live just set it in stone. It's the best show I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot! Jack White is simply a genious.

<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/the+raconteurs" target="_blank"><img src="http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj172/stephbaby222/raconteurs.jpg" border="0" alt="the raconteurs Pictures, Images and Photos"></a>

For what it's worth...

2008-09-03T04:19:48Z

I loved you. I still do. I don't know why... I don't have to know why. It's just the way things are. I should have been there when you needed me, but I guess I wasn't. I have reasons, not excuses... but that's not good enough. If I need something, there is no reason why you shouldn't need it too. I'm a perfectionist and I don't know how not to be, I'm sorry. It's ingrained...maybe the essence of who I am, and I hate that. I guess you have to be me to know how important the truth is. I have spent the better part of my life trying to seek the truth from people I should have been able to trust. You have issues you want people to understand, right? Well, so do I. You're well-being is so important to me... you have no idea. I can't rest, I don't sleep. I'm just not satisfied with the way things ended. I'm 40 years old, and I've been through a lot, but... you have affected me. I hope you're alright.

Relationships

2008-09-02T16:10:45Z

Everytime I go through a break-up, I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about my first real love. I don't think you ever really get over that first feeling of placing your heart in anothers hands. It may be cliche', but it's true... when you're in love, colors are brighter, food tastes better, the world is far more interesting. I remember that time being so wonderful. I wanted to be with him every minute, and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I counted the minutes waiting for him to come over. It was blissful.

I've never been able to re-capture those feelings with anyone else, maybe I'm foolish to think I can. I've had good relationships, each one is different- but I've never felt that completeness that I had with my first love. I find my self, at times like this, wondering how he is. How has life treated him? Is he happy? I have a box that I keep cards, letters and little keepsakes in. Every once in a while I'll look through it, especially when I'm feeling down. I have a shirt of his that I've kept all these years, it still carries the faint odor of his cologne. Oh, how I yearn to feel that way again, when just being next to the one you love is all you want and everything you need.

Writer's Block: Music and Moods

2008-08-27T04:34:25Z

How do different types of music relate to your moods?

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Well, this is my first post, so I thought I'd start off with this. Let's see.

I have music playing constantly, it's the core of who I am. Music probably dictates my mood, actually. I can be all hyped up and a Pink Floyd song will come on. Suddenly, I'm a little more calm, a little more relaxed. While driving, certain songs automatically make my foot press harder on the accelerator. There is a group of songs from the late eighties that actually give me olfactory illusions. If I hear Baker Street, I smell chlorine. I swam a lot as a kid and I remember hearing that song being played at the pool that summer constantly.